In a Funk... walking through my thoughts and logical conclusions.

So I've been in a bit of a funk since my husband went back to Korea. I feel really ridiculous for feeling this way. I usually handle our separations more with ease than I have as of late. Even while he was here I started to feel the anxiety of our upcoming separation and it marred some of the joy that the trip should have held. I don't know why, but this second half of the separation just seems to be harder. I wish I had the words to express why it is so. Maybe it is because I'm in a part of the country where I don't know many people, and moved here after my husband left for Korea. Usually I am very involved with activities, and I just can't bring myself to be, knowing that I am moving so soon. I want to be involved, I think about it, but something just keeps me from jumping into activities head first like I usually do. Personally, I'm honestly an introvert, and I don't much like getting out and spending time with large groups of people whom I do not know. I make myself go anyway. It's the advice I always give to people when the ask for it. It's good advice... I just don't want to take it for myself. Whatever the reason. I have made one friend, and I do have family here, but my days are not filled with their normal amounts of volunteering and activity. Honestly though, I grew tired of it before the move. Maybe that's why I don't want to get involved again, maybe I'm using this time to take a break from it all. Breaks are good, but at the same time, maybe I need to end this break and move back into more involvement with my local church or other volunteer activity with a homeschool group or such. I'm not sure. I'll figure it out. Firstly I know I need to pray more. Adding more to my daily prayer life with help with my spirits, I am sure.   My personal communication with God as of late has been lacking, I know... I feel despondent and I know that while I feel this way that I need to rely more heavily on God, but there is a part of me, I know, that wants to pull back and stay wallowing. Part of me that maybe feels I deserve to feel this way. It is the irrational side of me. It is the side of me that battles with depression. It is the part of me that I fight with the most, and most often loses... but it is the part of me that I know needs help from more than just sitting at home. Many people feel that depression is a cliche topic in the church, and that we shouldn't be depressed if we are strong in our faith, or that if we just pray fervently enough our depression will go away. Some people even say that relying on medicine is not relying on God. I willingly call them out on that any day. God has helped lead people to amazing medical breakthroughs and if we are unwilling to seek out medical or mental health, how are we to get the help that we so pray for. Often times we cry out "God HELP ME" but refuse to go and GET HELP. How can God help if we are unwilling to act. If you feel the nudge to go and seek help, that is probably God giving you that nudge. Listen to it. I know that I am hearing that nudge, and that I am going to go and listen. Hopefully the next I post, I will be in a better place.  Go and listen if God is nudging you. Do not be ashamed, do not be afraid. It is ok to ask for help. It is more than ok to talk to your doctor if you feel the need to.